Moon Landing

Sometimes it all hurts but makes sense. Sometimes it captures my soul and tosses it around like a wounded sock puppet amidst a violent wash cycle. Nonsense is my bread and butter. Now and forever more. But beyond it all is a shiny facade. Something akin to a shiny new nickel. A nickel. I wish I lived in the era when a nickel was considered to be a hell of a lot of money. Hell, I wish I lived in an era when one dollar went further than any moon landing. Hope? Wishes? Yes, these are things I desire. These are things I know we all desire. Desires are fickle bastards! Just when you think you’ve done away with them more are born and begin to eat away at your mind.

 

If I were to truly abandon society… would I miss it? Would it miss me? I suppose it wouldn’t really matter; even if I tried to make it matter. I can hear solitude calling out to me on a daily basis. Maybe I’m hearing things but maybe not. Maybe I analyze too much but maybe not. My countenance is mine and no one else’s. 

 

I tell nothing that hasn’t been told before by many. I write nothing that hasn’t been written before by many. I suppose I could be called one of the few who chooses not to hide behind metaphors and parables. Most would consider this to be a grave problem or disease. But I do not; not at all.

 

For instance, the other day I was making myself a ham sandwich and became mesmerized by the amount of visible grains in the bread. It was supposed to be one of those “heart smart” loaves of which I believe aren’t as smart as they would have us believe. I mean… grain in bread! Who would have thought we’d see the day? 

 

Don’t even get me started on all the lean meats being pushed in the stores these days. 
 What I write here I write it for a specific purpose. A “goal” if you will. Smell it. Taste it. Otherwise someone else will grab it up. My heart and brain is a jumble. You’d think they know enough to know that they must be connected and intertwined with one another but alas they do not. 

 

One cosmically ordered scenario cannot and should not take precedence over another. Though, it is quite difficult to imagine this. Because it is inescapable. 

  

I wonder how much longer it will be until we finally colonize the Moon. Or have we already?

My Sandwich -Original Short Short Story

  He ate my sandwich! Bob ate my wonderful sandwich!

  My turkey, cheese, bacon, tomato, lettuce on rye sandwich! How could Bob do such a thing? Does he not know how many hours I spent making my sandwich?

  Well, maybe not hours but minutes. Several glorious minutes!

  I even drove all the way across town to get the good turkey from the good deli. Doesn’t Bob know this?

  How could you, Bob! How could you eat my sandwich! Why did you eat it?

  Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from eating other peoples’ sandwiches? Huh!! Do you?

  I recall a time when you wanted to make a sandwich of your own but did not have any bread. You asked to borrow a few slices of bread and I was agreeable. In addition, I also gave you $5 so that you may purchase a loaf of your choosing.

  That was not too long ago. Did you purchase your own loaf? No! You spent that $5 on beer. And when you got back home you didn’t even offer me a beer!

  Oh how I loathe you, Bob!

  It is no wonder you are a solitary man. But I digress.

  Why the hell did you eat my sandwich? Was there something about it that called out to you? Hmmm? 

  Did the sandwich itself speak to you? Did it speak to you in French or Spanish?

  If you are having conversations with talking sandwiches regularly then perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.

  But even that is no excuse for eating my lovely sandwich!

  Why! Why did you eat it?

  I’ve been nothing but kind to you these past few months. I have no qualms with our living arrangement. 

  And I only slept with your wife once! Only once!

  So…

  Why did you eat my sandwich?

  WHY!!!

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Madman Rants Blog Posting Schedule

Hello, Everyone! I thought I should post the list of my blogging schedule.

Here it is:

1) Metal Monday: I post something heavy metal or hard rock related.

2) Top Five Tuesday: I post a list of five of my favorite movies, books, songs, bands, actresses, actors, quotes etc.

3) Woman Crush Wednesday (WCW): I feature a favorite actress and/or model.

4) Thirsty Thursday: I post a review of a favorite alcoholic or nonalcoholic beverage or something about a local bar, tavern, watering hole.

5) Funny Friday: I post something that recently made me laugh such as a video, joke, meme, quote, photo etc.

6) Scientific Saturday: I post something science related. Because learning is important.

7) Sociological Sunday: I post something relevant to the field of sociology. It could be humorous, it could be very serious. It could also be a mix of both.

So, there’s my blog posting schedule for each day of the week. Of course, I’ll still be posting other stuff as well but this schedule will help remind me to post something at least once a day. 😎

Sojourn (Part 1)

Success is subjective. Purely and utterly subjective. Does it really matter how much wealth one accumulates? No. Does it really matter how many people we please in a lifetime? No. Some of us get it, some of us don’t.

“You need to get a job, Biff!” Molly pointed her fat finger at me.

“Shut up!” I replied.

“You don’t tell me to shut up! Who do you think you are?” Her disgusting damp hair moved as she talked.

“I am no one and everyone.” I replied.

“That’s it! I’ve had it with you!”
She then lunged towards me with a steak knife.

I quickly dodged and ducked. I caught her ankle and tripped her onto her backside. She moaned and yelled incoherently.

“I’m sorry but I had to defend myself. Now, I shall leave.”
With that… I ran away.

I wandered around the neighborhood for hours. Many houses and buildings had fallen into disarray due to a very violent chain of hurricanes that made landfall two years before. Yet, many politicians and business men continue to deny climate change. Such is the ignorance of mankind.

I walked to the shore and sat down on a smooth granite bench. A drug dealing midget soon joined me. I knew he was a drug dealing midget because I had purchased uppers (pills) from him once before.

“Psst! Hey, man! You lookin’ to get high?” He asked me.

“Um… I hadn’t really thought about it but what do you have?” I asked him, trying not to stare at his oddly shaped ears.

“I got everything, man! I got purple nurple, sticky gas, maroon moose, yellow heaven, galactic flux and pizza pine party. Whatcha’ need?” He shifted his gaze every couple of seconds. He was always keeping an eye out for cops.

“Um… you got anything stronger than all of those?” I asked.

“Sure do, man. Just this morning I got a batch of some real prime shit. It’s so pure that it’ll make you fly into another reality, man!” He raised his eyebrows and pointed towards the sky.

“Ok. Cool. How much?” I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet.

“Woah, man! Not here, not here. I’m pretty sure the fuzz is tailin’ me. Meet me at this address in exactly one hour.” He handed me an off white business card then slowly walked away.

“Alright.” I said then read the address printed on the card.

1818 Mud River Rd.

(To Be Continued)

Midnight Special Movie Review

Midnight Special isn’t your typical scifi movie but that’s what makes it so awesome!

Alton is a young boy who possesses special powers that frighten and amaze most people. He was born and raised within a very strict religious cult that became convinced he was some kind of prophet and/or savior. His father, Roy Tomlin (Michael Shannon), never believed such nonsense and eventually decides to kidnap his own son in order to take him back to where he truly belongs.

Of course, the NSA/US Government quickly learns of Alton’s other worldly abilities and believes that if they can catch him they can then use him for various military purposes.

I wish I could describe the plot further but doing so would mean revealing way too much way too soon. Just trust me when I say that the ending is very intriguing and not at all what you’d expect.

If you’re a fan of well written scifi thrillers then you’ll definitely enjoy it.

On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Midnight Special 8 spicy tamales! 😎

The Shallows Movie Review

Release Date:
June 24, 2016

Rated:
PG-13

Medical student Nancy Adams (Blake Lively) travels to a secluded beach for some much needed solace. Despite the dangers of surfing alone, she decides to throw caution to the wind and surfs to her heart’s content.

Suddenly, a great white shark attacks and gravely injures her left leg. She then quickly swims and climbs onto a small island of rocks. There she remains for three days until finally hatching a plan to save herself.

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Sure, the story could’ve benefited from a little more character development but Blake Lively still gives a pretty great performance. It’s also chock full of suspense and shark attack awesomeness!

On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give The Shallows 8 spicy tamales! 😎

Cool Idea #1

Cool Idea #1:

Left handed pants. Patent pending.

Batman Europa Graphic Novel Review by Madman Rants

Batman Europa

Written by:
Matteo Casali
and
Brian Azzarello

Art/Illustrations by:
Jim Lee
Giuseppe Camuncoli
Diego Latorre
and
Gerald Parel

Published April 13, 2016

Pages: 144

The plot:
Batman is infected with a strange virus that was designed to be extremely debilitating and fatal. He naturally assumes his archnemesis, Joker, is to blame but he quickly learns that Joker has also been infected with the same virus. With the clock ticking, Batman decides to join forces with Joker and pull all of the resources at their disposal.

With the aid of Alfred, Batman discovers the origins of the virus point to somewhere in Europe. So, Batman and Joker trek across Europe with nothing but their wits to keep them alive.

Joker does his best to try to inject a little dark humor into their predicament but Batman refuses to make light of such a harrowing situation. Though, he does hold back his laughter more than once.

Eventually, they discover the antidote and who created the virus. The reveal was somewhat surprising but makes perfect sense.

Afterwards, the story comes to a climactic end with a very awesome fight scene!

My Thoughts:
The story is very well written and all of the illustrations are top notch.

If you’re a long time fan of Batman and/or DC Comics then I definitely recommend Batman Europa.

I give it 5 out of 5 stars! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Suicide Squad Movie Review (Spoiler Free) by Madman Rants

Suicide Squad is a good first attempt at a movie that stars and focuses on comic book villains. It is not total crap like some reviewers have claimed.

I really didn’t have high expectations before watching it. Though, I do consider myself a pretty big DC Comics fan and I was already familiar with the basic story of the Suicide Squad. More than anything else I was interested in seeing a live action version of this group of bad guys on the big screen.

The Squad consists of more than one psychopath but none of them are crazier than Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie). She really takes the cake, scratch that, she destroys the cake and laughs her ass off while doing it! Margot Robbie gives an awesomely accurate performance as Harley Quinn! There’s really no other way to describe it.

Will Smith gives an okay performance as Deadshot. Still, I can’t help but think that he shouldn’t have turned down a chance to be in Independence Day Resurgence.

Jared Leto’s portrayal of the Joker is… different. And by different I don’t mean better or worse than Heath Ledger’s mindblowing Joker. Leto definitely brings something new to the role but I can’t quite say if I liked it or not. Though, he did make sure to keep some of the Joker’s mannerisms. Such as his iconic laugh and narcissistic personality. I would probably have to watch the movie a couple more times in order to really absorb Leto’s Joker. If you’re expecting him to remain true to the classic Joker we’re all used to… you will be disappointed.

Other notable characters include El Diablo, a guy who can create and manipulate fire, Killer Croc, a human/crocodile mutation, Captain Boomerang, a long time enemy of the Flash, and Enchantress, a super powerful witch. Enchantress is actually the super villain that the Squad is forced to confront. (That scene alone is quite intriguing.)

Overall, the story is decent but to me it just seems like a cool side story that got stretched out in order to fit a two hour running time. Still, it’s a very well made movie and I’m definitely looking forward to the sequel and many more sequels after that.

On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Suicide Squad 8 tamales! 😎